Do You Choose Your Child's Friends?

This popular Meme of Jay Z hypothetically avoiding his daughter Blu Ivy's question about daddy's "friend" Kanye's daughter North West got me thinking...Do you choose your child's friends?

Growing up in the 80s & 90s I ran the streets of my West Philly neighborhood from sun up to streetlight. In my hood there were foster homes, broken homes, single parent homes, you name it. This environment made for some pretty interesting kids who would become my friends.

I remember some of my friends sold drugs. Some of them did drugs. Some of them stole cars for fun. Some of them were heavy into sports. Some of them were all about sex. I don't remember my mom or dad ever telling me not to hang with any of them. Even after a kid asked to borrow my bike and gave me his book bag for collateral. Unbeknownst to me, inside the bag as a loaded gun and some drugs. The story goes...

The kid wanted to borrow my bike to go visit a girl who lived not to far from us. I wasn't one to stand in the way of love so I let him ride it. I was about 10 years old and he was about 15 years old. Once the streetlight came on and I was required to be in the house, or at least on the porch, the kid still hadn't come back. I never in a million years thought he was going to steal it. I just wanted him to bring it back before I had to be in the house. I got home. My uncle asked me where my bike was. I told him and handed him the bag. He opened the bag and a look of rage came across his face.

He waited on the step as I watched from the front window for what felt like all night. In real life, it was probably another hour. The kid pulls up to the front of my house to return my bike and asks for his bag. My uncle let him know not to ever ride my bike again or give me the things contained inside the bag.

My uncle never told me not to hang with that kid anymore. He never told the kid not to hang with me.

As a result of this upbringing I got a long with kids from all walks of life. The social skills I acquired during this time in my life are vital to my role as a professional. Now that I'm a parent I often times hear other parents say they don't allow their children to play or hang out with other kids they don't approve of.

I remember in high school there was a quiet kid who almost never spoke and wore a trench coat all year long. I would say hi to him everyday. Just cause no one else did. Senior year just days before graduation his locker was raided and in it contained a list of all the people who had bullied him. Guess who's name wasn't on that list!

This isn't something my parents taught me. On the other hand by not intervening in who I was friends with, maybe they did teach me a thing or two.

Do you choose your child's friends?

#parenting #playdates #playmates