The Biggest Mistake I Made as a Father
- Mar 6, 2017
- 3 min read
"You can't fulfill a role that you can't define." - Dr. Mike Freeman
Growing up I had an abundance of amazing men around me. Each of which I can point back to for different interests or qualities I poses. So for me being a "Man" was a role I naturally and quiet easily fulfilled. However my biggest mistake was not recognizing the difference between being a man and being a father.
(Image by Karim Abdullah of HM Branding)
Because I was raised by so many amazing men, and women, I had many mother and father figures. I was loved, taught and disciplined by all. I believe because my parents were so young and also so career driven in my youth I never really had a stand alone experience being primarily raised by my mother & father. This was a big part of why it took me so long to define and fulfill my responsibilities as a father.
My idea of what a father's role was fell more under the definition of a provider and disciplinarian. I was loving and affectionate with my sons but focused more on shaping them into being men. It wasn't until my wife brought to my attention that I was not very present or willing to participate in their lives outside of food, clothing and shelter that I was challenged to rethink my role.
My wife at the time hadn't seen her biological father since she was 4 or 5 years old. The man who stepped up to help raise her was her stepfather who passed at 33 leaving her and her little sister, who was biologically his, at a very young age. I say all that to say she had little experience with having a dad. This was all the more reason she wanted me to be a more active one with our family.
The biggest mistake I made as a father was to allow my experience as a child to dictate the father I was. I was very comfortable with just making sure my family was feed and taken care of. I didn't realize what else I was missing out on and most importantly what else I could be providing for my family.
The first few times my wife tried to bring this to my attention my "man feelings" were hurt. After a few more attempts I realized that her criticism was an attempt to make me the best father I could be and not to delegate some of her parenting responsibilities to me. At the end of the day what it boiled down to for me was a desire to be the best for my sons. Ego aside, could I be doing something better? Yes! Then it was my responsibility to try my best to be my best for my family.
I'm writing this because I hope it inspires someone out there to go beyond what is expected. I hope it forces us to take a look at our performance as fathers and look for areas we can strengthen up in so our kids get the absolute best out of us. As fathers we are an example. We can be a good one or a bad one. We don't get an option not to be. We do however get to choose which one we want to be. BE GREAT!
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